


Tobio, Kei, and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

by Bokeyama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Kageyama is Suga's favorite, Kageyama secretly likes being called King, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Conditions, Nekoma, Trans Kageyama Tobio, Trans Male Character, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, mention of transphobia, tsukikage day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27475324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bokeyama/pseuds/Bokeyama
Summary: “Did you mean it?”“I never waste my breath with lies, King. If I wanted to make you feel worse I would’ve insulted you instead of telling the truth.”-“Is there anything I can do–”“To make up for something that you didn’t do? I don’t think so.” ... “Get me a soda from the vending machine downstairs.”
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Karasuno Volleyball Club & Karasuno Volleyball Club, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 229





	Tobio, Kei, and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

**Author's Note:**

> A friend asked me for Tsukikage Hurt/Comfort a while back and I ran away with it. I never planned to post it but then I heard it was TsukiKage day today and I blacked out. When I woke up this work was formatted

KAGEYAMA - FIRST YEAR

Kei wasn’t well versed when it came to comforting people. It was one of the reasons he didn't really have any friends growing up. He never knew what to say so he generally said nothing, because if he took a chance and did open his mouth, he made everything twenty times worse.

As a kid, Kei found this frustrating, but now it’s one of his pastimes. He owned making people upset somewhere down the line, the only person safe from such treatment being Yamaguchi, who didn’t take that lying down. (Once Kei said something snarky after Yamaguchi had been harassed by people at their school, like ‘At least you’re not dead’ and Yamaguchi smacked him. Hard. Kei learned not to fuck with his friend unless it was clearly a joke that day.)

Kei accepted that the only thing he did well was piss people off a long time ago, so why was he standing outside the locker room for Kageyama?

Their setter had been talking to someone during their Tokyo training camp when they said something that made him completely clam up. Kei had never seen the other boy shut down like that, and watched to see what would happen next. The other person didn’t seem to understand that they had upset him and continued talking, which Kageyama didn’t acknowledge. He looked like he could’ve been on another fucking planet; he was clearly zoning out and only speaking in what looked like one word responses.

The person, who Kei thought might be from Shinzen High, eventually got tired of conversing with a brick wall and left. Kageyama stood there for a solid five seconds, (Kei counted,) before he took off in the direction of the locker rooms attached to the gym. Kei didn’t think, excusing himself from Yamaguchi and Hinata’s company to follow his sort of friend/teammate.

So. That’s why he was here now, hesitantly opening the door and looking around. It seemed empty, and entirely too quiet. For a moment Kei wondered if Kageyama left when he wasn’t looking, which wasn’t possible at all, until he heard a small strangled sob from a stall at the end of the room.

Kei had never heard Kageyama cry before. They’ve known each other for so long, and yet, Kei can count the number of emotions he’d seen the other express on one hand. There was anger (of course), disbelief, stupidity, exhilaration, and determination. As far as Kei knew, Kageyama didn’t get upset. Sure, he could be discouraged after losing a match, but that just fueled his insatiable hunger for winning. If Kei were honest, he’d find his trait of bouncing back admirable. Kei was a filthy liar though, so he liked to call it annoying or ridiculous instead. 

Kei took a step into the room, the door shutting behind him, and any sound coming from the other boy was silenced. “Kageyama, are you in here?” He asked, trying to be a little more gentle than he usually was. It wasn’t much of an improvement, but he digressed.

“No.” Kageyama mumbled, his voice nasally from his nose being stuffed up. Kei restrained himself from calling Kageyama a moron for exposing himself even though he clearly didn’t want to be caught.

“King, if you wanted me to leave, answering me is fairly counterproductive.” Kei’s brain smacked itself with a metal folding chair for teasing the other boy at all. He expected an outburst, but Kageyama was weirdly quiet. “What is it?” He asked, trying to get Kageyama to open up just a little bit. He wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, though. Kei wasn’t warm and fuzzy like Yachi or Yamaguchi. He was prickly, hard to embrace, and not really worth embracing.

“Just…” Kageyama sniffled loudly, audibly dragging snot down his throat. Kei nearly gagged at the sound but held it in. “Guy I was talking to asked how I got on the team.”

Kei never would have been able to predict this. People could dislike Kageyama, sure, but it’s undeniable that he was incredibly gifted and passionate about his favorite sport. There wasn’t any reason to question that now, when Kageyama was so much better at communicating with his teammates. The rumors of the Kings Toss hadn’t completely disappeared, but they were really only brought up by people from their year. Kindaichi and Kunimi from Seijoh for example, liked to ask about it from time to time to piss Kageyama off.

“Why would they say that.” Kei grit out, unable to keep his anger out of his voice. Kageyama went quiet again, and the muffled sniffling started back up. “Did they tell you why?”

Kageyama mumbled something intelligible.

“King–” He began harshly, before backtracking. Kageyama didn’t need to be mocked, he needed support. Kei waited a beat before trying again. “I’m sorry. I promise I won’t make fun of you. I just want to know.”

Kageyama let out a weak breathy laugh, “Empty promise.” He responded, making some of the tension leak out of Kei’s shoulders.

“I’ll mock you later, when you’re not obviously upset.” Kei corrected, getting another one of those weak laughs from the boy in the stall. “What happened, Kageyama. Walk me through it.”

For a long moment, Kei was afraid that Kageyama had shut back down again. Before he could repeat himself, Kageyama breathed out shakily. “…The topic of bathrooms came up on his team, apparently. I asked what he was talking about and he said ‘you know, the transgenders using our restroom.’ Tried to explain to me how it was controversial.” Kageyama paused for breath while Kei wondered why the hell this upset him.

“I told him I didn’t care who used what bathroom… that it wasn’t any of his business anyway. Then he asked how I snuck my way onto the boy’s volleyball team.” Kageyama sounded more miserable by the second, his voice wavering dangerously when he recounted what their opponent told him.

“You’re an amazing player, Ki– Kageyama. There isn’t a team in the world that would reject you.” Kei assured him, thankful that he didn’t have to tell any lies to make him feel better. “That guy was a dick because you didn’t agree with him. That’s all there is to it.”

“You don’t get it.” Kageyama’s voice dropped to such a low tone that Kei had to strain to hear it. “He wasn’t… He could _tell_.” 

Kei frowned. “Tell what?” He didn’t get an immediate answer and had to force himself to not lose his mind. Patience wasn’t something Kei typically liked to exercise. 

“I’m not like you, Tsukishima.” Kageyama said cryptically, shortening Kei’s already nonexistent tolerance.

“King, I can’t answer riddles today. Would you like your new nickname to be Sphinx?” Kei said before he could stop his stupid mouth.

Kageyama, surprisingly, laughed. He never laughed when Kei made fun of him. “Sorry.” He sounded like he might even be smiling a little bit. “I um. I don’t… I’m not cis.”

Kei’s mind blue-screened. Before he could ask, Kageyama added, “Cisgender. I thought I passed well but I guess not. Someone I’ve never met saw right through me.”

“King, I’m going to be honest with you.” Kei started. “I never would’ve guessed that in a million fucking years. And even if I could’ve? I wouldn’t have cared. It doesn’t matter.” Kei leaned against the stall door. “I still hate your obnoxious guts.”

“If you hate me, then why did you follow me in here.” Kageyama sounded less sad now, which made Kei let out a soft sigh of relief.

“Only I can hate you.” He responded, “And if other people do, they better have good reasons. Seriously, he’s pissed because you’re manlier than him? What a joke.” 

Kageyama laughed again, and Kei could hear shuffling in the bathroom stall. “Are you ready to come out?” He asked, to which Kageyama very seriously responded, ‘But I already did.’

“Alright asshole, die in here then.” Kei stood up properly without the stall for support and made like he was going to walk out. He was bluffing of course, and expected Kageyama to know that. The setter surprised him by unlocking the door and coming out with slightly red eyes.

“Think– Thu– Thanks.” Kageyama sputtered out, tripping up over the word embarrassingly.

“You’ve improved, King. Maybe someday you can give me compliments without your tongue getting all twisted up.” Kei grinned wryly, internally relieved that Kageyama looked like he was feeling a little better.

“Don’t count on it, Shittyshima.” Kageyama said before walking over and enveloping the blond in a tight hug. Kei froze awkwardly, not sure how to respond. Kageyama let him know that wasn’t okay almost immediately. “Hug me back or I’ll get Yamaguchi to give Hinata your phone number.”

Kei reciprocated the gesture like a bat out of hell, not wanting his emails and texts to be cluttered with inane questions and horribly sparkly emojis. They stood there for what was probably too long, but Kei figured just this once that he’d give Kageyama a break. 

“Did you mean it?” Kageyama asked so quietly that it was practically a grumble.

Kei sighed and condescendingly patted the back of Kageyama’s head. “I never waste my breath with lies, King. If I wanted to make you feel worse I would’ve insulted you instead of telling the truth.”

Kageyama sagged against him; he must’ve believed Kei to some extent. Kei awkwardly waited for Kageyama to pull away first before he gave up and tried to carefully extract himself.

“Five more minutes.” Kageyama muttered stubbornly, his face practically glued to Kei’s neck.

Kei sighed deeply. “Tell you what, you let go in one minute and then we can go tell Tanaka about the transphobic asshole, hm?”

Kageyama considered this. “Three minutes, and then we get Nishinoya too.” Jesus, this jerk drives such a hard bargain. Kei conceded, trying and failing to pretend like Kageyama’s body pressed against him wasn’t comforting. He rarely got hugs, since he told Yamaguchi a long time ago that he didn’t like them. He might have to let his best friend know that was a lie after this, because Kageyama just opened the floodgates and now Kei had to make up for years of lost affection.)

Once Kageyama released him, Kei did as promised and pointed out the kid to Tanaka and Nishinoya. Unfortunately, this backfired as Suga heard what was going on and immediately wanted to sock the person in the face. Daichi had to keep him restrained. Which meant Daichi was fully aware of Kei siccing their second-years on someone.

“TSUKISHIMA! EXTRA LAPS FOR A WEEK!” He demanded from behind Suga, who was absolutely foaming at the mouth. Kei might’ve been nice to Kageyama for a few minutes, but after earning himself laps, he decided it was safe to be a bitch again. Instead of getting pissed off at Kei’s demeanor, Kageyama just looked grateful. It made it way harder to be an asshole to him, and Kei couldn’t find it in him to be as furious as he wanted to.

Fuck Tobio and his stupid ability to shimmy himself between the walls Kei built so many years ago.

TSUKISHIMA - SECOND YEAR

Tobio used to worry that without the third years, Karasuno would go back to being the flightless crows. They were going to lose their anchor and captain, Daichi, their ace, Asahi, and their morale, Suga, all at the same time. Kiyoko-san promised she’d be leaving them in good hands with Yachi, which Tobio didn’t doubt, but it still made him incredibly nervous to see her go as well.

His worries were soothed the moment Ennoshita was announced captain. With Tanaka as their new vice captain and ace, Tobio could relax. Nishinoya and Ennoshita as a team seemed to fill in Daichi’s spot as well, so there weren’t any more holes in their defense. Their second year of high school brought them more victories, and Tobio eventually found himself playing his second Interhigh.

They were playing against Nekoma, who also had to adjust due to the loss of their third years Kuroo, Nobuyuki, and Yaku. Kenma seemed to get even better at reading how the game was going to go, constantly keeping Hinata and Tsukishima on their toes. Kenma continuously applied pressure on them by setting to Lev, who could hit miles above Tsukishima’s blocks. 

Tobio hadn’t meant for it to get to him; he was usually good at keeping cool during games, but something about Tsukishima being constantly evaded pissed him off to no end.

_Let’s see how your blockers feel when they get a taste of their own medicine._

Tobio gave his team the signal for the synchronized attack and propelled the ball as high as he could for Tsukishima’s spike. The blond’s face twisted into an angry scowl while he ran up, clearly not pleased that Tobio was still setting them higher. Hinata had informed him last year that Tsukishima’s jump improved due to being paired with an incredibly tall setter that couldn’t pinpoint sets for the life of him. Tobio felt petty and jealous so he began pushing the other boy to come and get the ball instead of having it sent right to him. 

This set in particular was entirely too high, and Tobio felt panic flood his veins when it seemed like Tsukishima may not reach it. The blond’s grimace intensified as he rose up, his legs bending beneath him in a way they never have before. Due to his height, usually Tsukishima could just jump straight up without any help from his lower body. This time, he needed the extra momentum.

Panic was replaced with pride when Tsukishima’s hand connected with the ball, slamming it down onto Nekoma’s side of the court before the other team could blink. Then, the stadium echoed with a sound they’ve never heard.

Tsukishima let out a blood-curdling scream as his leg unfurled, his body seizing before he fell heavily against the ground. Tobio couldn’t breathe. Tsukishima wasn’t moving, his hands pressing against his knee like he was trying to reach inside himself and fix the problem.

“TSUKKI!” Yamaguchi cried out, bringing Tobio’s attention to him. The brunet had gone frighteningly pale, and he reached for Ukai to tell him something. Tobio couldn’t make out what he was saying to their coach, but the smaller boy was frantic. 

Ukai stepped onto the court and pushed Hinata, Tanaka, and Noya aside from where they’d been crowding Tsukishima’s still body. Tobio then realized that he hadn’t moved an inch since Tsukishima hit the ground. Ukai crouched down to talk to him in a low voice, and Tsukishima winced through clenched teeth.

“I can’t…” He wheezed, “I can’t move it. Don’t make me move it.” Karasuno was uncharacteristically quiet; it was surreal to see Tsukishima this vulnerable. He almost looked his age.

Ukai carefully picked Tsukishima up, the blond’s jaw clenching tighter when his leg was jostled. “Takeda-sensei, keep everything under control while I’m taking him to the nurse.” He said, getting a nod in response. Tobio watched uselessly as Tsukishima was carried off, the blond holding his own leg up against his chest.

“Alright, don’t let Tsukishima come back to a lost game.” Takeda clapped to get the team’s attention. Hinata and Tanaka seemed to get fired up immediately, doing some unnecessary jumps and stretches. Ennoshita was talking to their first years, saying something about how Tsukishima was tough and _no, he was not going to die, people don’t die in volleyball._ They were a good team. They could survive without Tsukishima’s blocks for one match.

“Are you alright Kageyama-kun?” Yachi asked quietly, snapping Tobio out of his daze. He blinked a couple times to bring himself back to reality, and then nodded silently. She seemed to find his answer acceptable and went back to the bench as Takeda let the ref know they were ready to start again.

They won the game after an intense rally between Nekoma’s new libero and Ennoshita; the captain managing to get the ball to Tanaka. Their ace got the last hit in and the whistle was blown. Tobio barely remembered what happened, his body on autopilot while his mind was elsewhere.

“–Don’t you think Yamaguchi’s service aces were cool, Kageyama?” Hinata shouted directly in his ear the second the match was over. Tobio looked at him and saw Yamaguchi and Yachi beside Hinata. Behind them, the third years were pumping up their new first years and celebrating rather loudly with them. Tobio doesn’t know how he didn’t notice.

“Sure. Nice serve Yamaguchi.” He offered blandly, walking with the rest of his team to thank Nekoma for the game. Kenma gave him a look when they shook hands, but Tobio didn’t care enough to try and figure out what it meant. Thanking the crowd went quicker than it should’ve, Tobio’s brain was practically mush at this point.

He could tell Hinata was excitedly chatting about the game, but it sounded like everything was underwater. Muffled and incomprehensible.

Tobio expected things to clear up when he saw Tsukishima leaning by the nurse’s office on a crutch, but it only seemed to get worse. The blond had a white brace wrapped around his left knee, a look of indifference on his face even though his leg was ramrod straight. He was clearly afraid to test the limits of his injury. Tobio’s head filled with white noise.

“How did it go.” Tsukishima hummed noncommittally, scrolling through his phone.

“WE WON IT FOR YOU TSUKISHIMA-KUN!” Hinata cheered like he was catching someone off guard at their surprise party. He moved to punch Tsukishima on the shoulder like he usually did, but Yamaguchi was quick to stop him. Tobio did not miss the momentary alarm on Tsukishima’s face.

“Yamaguchi got five whole service aces!” Hinata added, lowering his volume only slightly. “They couldn’t even touch him!” Yamaguchi laughed, looking flustered as Hinata piled on the compliments. Tsukishima congratulated him, but then he went quiet. 

“What are you sulking for, King. We won, didn’t we?” Tsukishima asked, looking Tobio up and down. His gaze was as piercing as ever.

“Yes.” He confirmed, opening his mouth to say more and coming up short. He thought for a long, tense moment and said, “We should get to the bus.”

Tsukishima scoffed, but it wasn’t an angry noise. He sounded mildly humored more than anything. “Lead the way then, your majesty.”

Tobio tried to ignore the way Tanaka had to help Tsukishima walk. For once, Tsukishima didn’t try to brush off anyone’s assistance, which was incredibly strange. When they were getting on the bus, Tsukishima had the perfect opportunity to say “Shut up, Yamaguchi,” but he _thanked_ him instead. Yamaguchi was the only person who didn't seem surprised. (It was terrifying to think about Yamaguchi seeing Tsukishima like this often enough to be unfazed. Has Tsukishima ever cried in his arms or vented to him? Did he break down once a month or once a week? Has he ever apologized for it?)

Tobio brushed past a weirdly silent Hinata to find a seat, picking one a couple rows down from Tsukishima on the opposite side without really realizing it.

“You’re letting me have the window seat, Bakageyama?” Hinata asked, “I don’t even have to fight you for it?”

“Just sit down, dumbass Hinata.” Tobio grumbled, letting Hinata squeeze past him. The ride was silent, as everyone settled down fairly quickly and drifted off. Tobio, who could normally sleep anywhere, had to fight to close his eyes.

“Okay everyone, you all played a great game today so I’m sure you’re tired.” Ukai announced as Takeda pulled the bus in front of their hotel. “Make sure you eat well and get ready for your next match tomorrow.”

Tobio didn’t call out the customary response like everyone else, and he noticed Tsukishima didn’t either. Normally, the blond offered something very flat and quiet, but this time he didn’t say anything at all. 

“Kageyamaaaa,” Hinata whined, shoving at his shoulder. “Stop staring off into space and move! I want to get some meat before Tanaka steals it all!” (Said third year made a childish gesture at Hinata before hopping out the bus.) “Tobiooo!”

Tobio scowled when Hinata used his given name, but he moved anyway, going through the motions until the team was getting ready for bed. The first years were all taking their turns in the bath, so the room was relatively quiet.

It would’ve been completely silent if it wasn’t for the third years, Hinata, and Yamaguchi chatting amongst themselves. Tobio wasn’t spending time bickering with Hinata and Tsukishima wasn’t needlessly riling up Nishinoya and Tanaka, so it was more awkward on their side of the room. The blond was sitting on his futon, his uninjured leg curled under him and the other stretched out in front of him. Tobio took a deep breath and walked over to stand above him.

“Can I talk to you.” He said stiffly, only getting a glance from his teammate. Tsukishima huffed, rolled his eyes and slowly lowered his clunky headphones onto his shoulders.

“Yes, King? Is there a problem?” Tsukishima had the beginnings of a smirk on his face from that alone.

Tobio looked at the wall behind Tsukishima’s head, too upset with himself to meet his eyes. “Alone.” He clarified, making Tsukishima laugh slightly.

“If you want me to get up I’m afraid you’ll have to carry me.” Tsukishima sighed. “I’m in no condition to be going anywhere, moron.”

Guilt suffocated Tobio further. “I know that. I meant for everyone else to get lost.” He sent a quick poisonous glare toward the rest of his teammates, who got the message fairly quickly. Hinata hightailed it first, being the most scared of Tobio’s face, but Tanaka was harder to scare off. The ace left after angrily gesturing that he had his eye on them. 

Oddly enough, Yamaguchi was the only one he couldn’t shake no matter what he did. “Tsukki?” He prompted quietly, not even looking at the setter. Tsukishima sighed deeply.

“I’m fine, Yamaguchi. Go make sure Hinata doesn’t piss himself. No, actually, if he does you should record it.” Tsukishima waved him off casually, and only then did Yamaguchi leave the room. “What do you want. Did I not jump high enough for you–”

“I’m sorry.” Tobio interrupted, stopping Tsukishima in his tracks. “I got you hurt because of something petty that I should’ve let go of a long time ago.”

Tsukishima blinked stupidly up at him, his lips parted slightly in confusion. “What are you going on about?” 

“I hurt you.” Tobio’s throat was squeezing shut now, “If I didn’t push you to jump higher this wouldn’t have happened. Now you won’t be able to play tomorrow.” Denying someone else from playing volleyball was one of the most heinous crimes in Tobio’s mind.

Tsukishima’s eyes widened a fraction, then he looked down. “Sit.” He ordered, patting the space on the futon in front of him. Tobio hesitantly lowered himself to the ground, not sure what Tsukishima was going to do next. “It’s not your fault, Kageyama.” Out of everything, he wasn’t expecting that.

“My left knee pops when I keep it in one position too long. I have a tear in the cartilage, it’s a genetic thing.” Tsukishima scratched the back of his neck without making eye contact. _Did talking about this embarrass him?_

“Typically I can tell when it’s about to pop so I stretch until it goes away.” He sighed deeply, looking annoyed, “During the match I didn’t know until it was too late. But you probably knew that.”

“You’re acting like this isn’t a big deal.” Tobio remarked quietly, surprised by Tsukishima’s demeanor about the whole thing.

“Because it isn’t. The only reason it hurt so much was because I moved so fast. The swelling and inflammation will go down in a few days. I’m not worried about it.” Tsukishima picked at the skin around his nails while he talked, and Tobio noticed they were already bleeding in some spots.

“ _I’m_ worried.” Tobio’s voice came out stunted and awkward, leading to an equally awkward pause.

“You don’t have to be.”

“I’m sorry.”

Tsukishima squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled angrily. “Stop saying you’re sorry. If you keep blaming yourself for something that was out of your control, King, I’m going to kill you with my bare hands.”

“…I’m sorry.” Tobio was shoved backward by the other boy, who’d had enough already. (Tobio didn’t fall though, he was used to being jostled around by Hinata.)

“Stop it, idiot. I’m serious. If you keep acting like Yamaguchi did, I swear…” Tsukishima didn’t finish whatever he was going to say, seemingly lacking an effective insult. He settled for an irritated glare.

“Yamaguchi hurt you once?” It was almost laughable; the two were practically inseparable.

“He yelled for me to jump off the slide in elementary school and my leg buckled under me.” Tsukishima huffed, the corner of his mouth quirking up a little bit like the memory was funny. It was gone as quickly as it came. “I didn’t let him blame himself for that either. So you should shut the fuck up about this being your fault.”

Tobio didn’t want to let it go, but it didn’t look like he had a choice. “Is there anything I can do–”

“To make up for something that you didn’t do? I don’t think so.” Tsukishima shoved at him again and Tobio let himself fall back this time. They were quiet for a long moment before Tsukishima spoke up. “Get me a soda from the vending machine downstairs.”

Tobio has never run so fast in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! My requests are open, so let me know if you want to see something with almost any haikyuu pairing [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27425689/chapters/67040701)


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